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I will say, I loved Alex more than any man I have ever known. And in all the years of being Phil’s “sacrifice” Alex was the only one I ever willingly slept with. When Phil and Sheena started drugging me and selling me in Colorado Springs I had convinced myself Alex didn’t know. That they lied to him and were conning him too…. Then when I went to him and begged him for help and told him if he didn’t make them stop I would report him he told me “I can’t handle the drama”.... I’ve heard that before too many times. All it took after that was Sheena giving him herpes and blaming it on me, anything I was ever conned into thinking he felt for me turned into his disgust and hatred of me. I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me, after that he started helping them…. Sheena’s whole “show” was nothing more than me drugged and starved and poisoned with my knee damaged after Cristy so she could “prove she could beat me in a fight” because they were so pissed off I kicked Cristy’s ass. ….

I still sometimes wonder if Alex ever knew the whole truth. But I remember Sheena’s show in march, and I remember his acceptance where Sheena spit in my face and he kissed her right in front of me after anally raping me in front of the whole party and Phil making him choose….

So I guess he did know after all.

I was a fool.


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