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"No Contact" 101

Cutting Chords

In my opinion one of the hardest things a survivor of narcissistic abuse can accomplish is cutting chords.

They will try ANYTHING to get a rise out of you. One more response, more contact, more emotional food for the energy vampire.

As a survivor, particularly those that have been afflicted with Stockholm syndrome, which is so often seen in sex trafficking victims, it is almost impossible not to respond. Especially in the nature of character assassination.

No Contact is a crucial strategy for healing from narcissistic abuse. It involves completely disconnecting from the narcissist, which means no emails, texts, phone calls, or in-person meetings.

Let’s explore what to expect after leaving a narcissist and implementing the No Contact rule:

~ Freedom: As you string together weeks and months of no contact, you’ll realize that you can finally be yourself without someone constantly making you feel guilty, hurt, or ashamed. You regain your freedom and autonomy.

~ Peace: No more constant arguments or drama. Conversations become seamless, devoid of hidden meanings. You’re no longer confused or defensive in every interaction. The house of pain is left behind.

~ Clarity: Say goodbye to cognitive dissonance. Your mind is no longer in a state of confusion. You wake up, go about your day, and sleep at night without hidden agendas or implications of inadequacy.

~ Self-Rediscovery: You realize that you have yourself back. You like who you are, and you no longer give yourself away to others. Self-love and self-acceptance become your allies.

~ Intuition: You pay attention to your intuition. Red flags are no longer ignored or excused. When someone challenges your reality, you stand firm2.

Healthy Relationships: Toxic connections are a thing of the past. You choose healthy relationships over complicated situations. Genuine connections with empathetic people become effortless.

~ No More Walking on Eggshells: Chronic unease about what’s next or your narcissist’s mood no longer consumes your days. You’re free from that perpetual anxiety.

Remember, breaking free from a narcissist is akin to overcoming addiction. It’s painful, but ultimately, you reclaim your life. Stay strong and prioritize your well-being. 🌟

A narcissist, especially one addicted to abuse, will attempt anything to get you hooked again. i.e.. My abusive thief lying father making a fake facebook page and leaving nasty messages calling me a liar on my facebook page after I already blocked his real account. My truth makes him "look bad". They "can't stand the scandal". Not forgetting to mention that he's losing money now hand over fist since he cannot use me as an excuse to steal and launder money any longer.

My mistake was responding to him the first time to defend myself. This morning, I realized what I was doing falling back into his trap, and I blocked his fake account as well.

Never forget, your emotions are food to a narcissistic abuser. This is why I call them addicts. An abuser gets a "rush" when they cause harm to their victim. Similar to the way a fighter feels when they win a fight. I liken them to energy "vampires" for exactly this reason. I also believe strongly that this is the reason most victims don't get recognition until they are in the morgue.

The reason the narcissist implements more abuse tactics to regain your attention is because they are akin to addicts needing another fix. Do not give them their fix. Go No Contact. As hard as it may be, and as against your nature as it may feel, realize that those feelings are a trauma response, not reality, and it will take time to require your neural receptors to understand that their abuse is NOT the norm.

Remember always to be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, and you have a right to be here.

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

by Max Ehrmann ©1927



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